More Chemo for the Righteous

We are at the medical center now (this is a back-dated post that I forgot to put up) and Chelsa's blood counts are saying that she needs to start doing chemo treatments again (Velcade & Dexamethasone). We were expecting this based on previous checks & conversations, which helps, but it is still hard. The threat of needing a bone marrow stem-cell transplant in the future looms in our minds and is scary. It is made more real by the potential of using cord blood from Chelsa's soon-to-be-born nephew. (A long shot on whether this would even be usable, but we want as many options as possible). Our naturopathic doctor has been incredibly encouraging, telling us of advances in the Immunotherapy treatment she is receiving.  Here is a short quote from his most recent email: "I would recommend getting started (on chemo) because your body responded so well. The basic idea is to use velcade until you no longer respond and then do a bone marrow transplant. Of course, this is not the plan we have! What we need is for the aggressiveness of the myeloma to be slowed while your immune system is working on recalibrating. 'Never have I seen the righteous forsaken!' -Dr. Matt"

Dr. Matt concluded with a bit of scripture (Psalm 37:25) that both Chelsa and I found encouraging, but it also creates some questions...

1. Are we "righteous"? 
2. Chelsa has been given a terminal diagnosis, we have lost a child, we may not ever have the opportunity to have children and Chelsa may never be healed of this cancer.... are we "forsaken"? 

Number one is easy. No, neither Chelsa nor I is righteous. A few folks out there may make an argument for Chelsa's righteousness, but I can confirm as her husband with some level of certainty that she is not. (She would not argue with that, nor would she argue that I am any where close to righteous by any interpretation of that word.) Dr. Matt has seen my unrighteousness as I cursed under my breath at the expenses associated with treatment and probably Chelsa's too as she pinched me... and I don't think he shared this quote to remind us of our unrighteousness... so why be encouraged by this piece of scripture?

It's clear that we are "afflicted" and experiencing some pain and suffering. Forsaken means more of an abandonment though. If we're forsaken, it would be better to resign ourselves in order to avoid the disappointment of hope and make the best of the time we have. Here is where we have some choices and decisions to make about our situation concerning why are we afflicted and whether we are forsaken...

We can:

#1) Accept our fate and try to squeeze out as much happiness as we can.

 "The purpose of our lives is to be happy. Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from our own actions."-Dalai Lama "People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.” - Abraham Lincoln 

We can believe that we live in an imperfect world (obviously), people getting diseases is part of that... so we should just choose to find happiness wherever we can and make the best of it. Well, Mr. Lincoln, it's pretty hard to simply make one's mind up to be happy. You knew this, you lived during a time of rampant slavery and oppression, and could the Dalai Lama convince me of any deeper happiness than getting to see my wife hold her grandchildren? Doubtful. So how do I pursue that purpose? While I do think it's important to find opportunities to be happy, I think there is a deeper joy available that can only be attached to a hope that no amount of determined choice-making can provide.

#2) Find peace in logical consequences.

 "Look before you leap for as you sow, ye are like to reap." ~Samuel Butler 

Sometimes we make bad choices. Like, I ate too many cookies and now I have a belly ache. This makes sense to me. I knew I shouldn't have so many cookies, but I did any ways, I enjoyed it, and now I'm suffering the consequence. I can move forward knowing that either next time I just won't eat so many, or I will do the same thing confident that the punishment will fit the crime. There is some peace in this understanding -- I can rely that tomorrow if I choose to eat my fruits, nuts, and veggies, and drink lots of water, I will feel great. Good choices = good consequences. Cancer doesn't play by these rules though. It is not a consequence of some bad decision that Chelsa made. She cannot choose to make a different decision in the future and rely on feeling better. 

#3) Consider we may not be on our own, but need to earn favor and not punishment.

 "Keep a good attitude and do the right thing even when it's hard. When you do that you are passing the test. And God promises you your marked moments are on their way." ~Joel Osteen (one of the most popular "Christian" preachers today)

The first two choices sort of imply that we're on our own (no God / Creator / Divine Being overseeing things). So let's look at an option where there is a God. Another common belief that people choose is "Be good and you'll be happy." Unfortunately, we all have our moments and sometimes are NOT good. Chelsa will be the first to admit that she was a BAD kid... so maybe she is being punished with this cancer. She is really good these days though... even during the hard times, yet, she still has cancer. This version of God, who gives us tests that we will inevitably fail, is cruel and ridiculous. Despite your misplaced popularity, Mr. Osteen, I'll name this crappy option #3. 

#4)  Propitiation.

 "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” - Jesus of Nazareth (Matt. 27:46)

The "propitiation" option is this... Chelsa and I are not righteous. There is a God and he knows we're not righteous. He is a God of justice -- and we've done bad things so we deserve punishment. HOWEVER, He is also a GOOD God ("Oh give thanks to the Lord, for He is GOOD; for His loving kindness is everlasting" -Psalms 107:1). So "propitiation" means that someone else took the punishment that Chelsa and I deserve for our bad deeds and imperfections. The price has been paid and "the great exchange" took place, so now we ARE seen as righteous, not because of anything that we did, but because Jesus gave us his perfect life and righteousness so that we would be reconciled to God in perfect justice. This is a good option... though it's really not a choice, it's simply Good News. (Did you know that Gospel means "Good News"... not laws and standards to live your life and judge others by?) 

It doesn't end there though... things still aren't perfect... and, as it turns out, Jesus is not dead. He was forsaken, and by any record or historical account, he was dead. BUT then he defeated death and became the most famous person to ever live. He hung out for a bit so people could see, then went to heaven to remain as our living God, loving us, hearing our prayers, joining his all-powerful Father to watch us. They see Chelsa and I suffering. They see that things still are not right here in the world. Do I believe this?  I mean, really believe this?

"For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known." -1 Corinthians 13:12

I know that many of you who may read this blog and who care deeply about Chelsa and it's hard to understand why she is going through all this. The sense that I have made of her situation is this --- we see only in part, but can trust that God is good and has promised good things in store for her... for us.  P

lease do not miss out on this personal relationship with Jesus... talk to him in prayer... I promise that he will then set your fears to rest. He is a game changer. You don't have to be perfect or righteous. Through Jesus, you are also reconciled and not forsaken. 

Please join me in praying for Chelsa to be healed. Please also join me in praising Jesus for the propitiation option, the Good News of the Gospel, reconciling us to God so that we do not need to fear suffering or death, but can instead look to him for comfort and look forward to an eternal glory.